Biff

Joshua's best friend.

Biff and Joshua encounter many people throughout their adventurous tale, and Biff is viewed by most of the people he meets to be very stupid and useless. Balsathar, Gaspar, and Melchior, the three wise kings, speak to him in very rude and harsh tones, suggesting, through their speech, that Biff is the essence of all that is bad. They talk to him as if he will never grow up to amount to anything, and they are disgusted at the prospect of the Messiah having such a worthless best friend. However, as we listen to Biff talk about his experiences with Joshua, we begin to understand that behind he is, in fact, clever and loyal. He is very observational and is able to talk in very casual and humorous tones, in order to keep the audience entertained.

Biff is very protective of Joshua, and will give his life to save his best friend. He always sticks with the future Messiah, and never leaves his side. Joshua is very appreciative of Biff, and especially is thankful of Biff's efforts to lie and cheat and steal because of Joshua's unwillingness to do so. Joshua's friends are frequently disgusted by Biff, and only tolerate him because of his status as Joshua's best friend.

Biff is very accomplished, although his accomplishments are less than reputable. He had sex with the Messiah's one true love at age 13. He is tormented by an STD that has created a burning senstaion whenever he pees. This is due to having sex with multiple harlots, which he did in order ot be able to describe the actions of sex to Joshua. He has studied under the Three Wise Kings, who only let him because Joshua insisted, and now knows how to mix poisons, how to fight effectively, and how to do yoga.

Biff's greatest accomplishment is the invention of sarcasm. However, he believes, whenever sarcasm is used against Joshua or him, that his invention is being misused.

Biff's nickname comes from the Aramaic slang word biff, which means "to slap upside the head."

Biff's one and true love is Mary Magdalene, who is in love with Joshua. However, because Joshua is the Messiah, she is not able to pursue her affections, so she, instead, gives the love that she had reserved for Joshua, to Biff.